


Silent Moments

by Levi_is_life



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, F/M, Female Protagonist, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reader-Insert, SHIELD Agent Reader (Marvel), lets not even think about infinity wars right now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-15 10:08:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14788520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levi_is_life/pseuds/Levi_is_life
Summary: You're a SHIELD agent and between work and your disturbing past trying to resurface, you can't catch a break. One day on your most recent mission you find a man heavily injured in an alleyway and take him back to your place to help patch him up. What you didn't know is that this man was Bucky Barnes and that he would change your life for good.





	1. Ch.1

**Author's Note:**

> Holy crap I haven't posted on this site forever. I mainly post on wattpad (under the username of ErrorIsLoading) and i realized today that I should probably share the love a little.

"Yeah I'm free Saturday if you are." You press your phone between your ear and shoulder and you use both your hands to tie your shoe laces.

"Great I'll see you then, Pepper is busy though so she can't come." Tony says.

"Aw ok, well anyway I'll let you go I have to get to work."

"Be safe." He chastises and you roll your eyes.

"When am I not?" You stand up and make your way to your front door, locking it before you head out. 

You hear Tony sigh, "have fun kid. I'll see you Saturday."

The phone goes dead and you slide it into your pocket. You've known Tony since you were a bit shy of fifteen years old, you met when you literally bumped into one another in New York and he had caused you to drop your phone, the only thing you had that was worth a sliver of value. You had been a little pissed, especially when he started telling you that it didn't matter because your phone was extremely outdated anyway. After a short argument filled with sarcasm from both parties Tony had just told you that you could have his, which startled the anger out of you and he picked up what was left of your phone and removed its SIM card, he then placed it into his brand new and expensive one and placed it in your hands.

You had immediately refused, telling him that it was no big deal and you had just had a bit of a day and were taking out your anger on him but he shrugged it off, obviously more entertained with you confusion and flustered expression than he was with your anger. You told him that you wouldn't even be able to begin to pay him back but he yet again dismissed it and told you he had plenty of cash to throw around, that's when you realised just exactly who he was and you became embarrassed all over again, you had just yelled at billionaire and superhero, Tony Stark. The realisation sent you spiralling into another fit of apologies and and he laughed at you saying that it's more entertaining when people treat him like anyone else and yell at him. Eventually the two of you had kept talking and he found out you had nowhere to stay, he offered a place but you didn't trust him enough to stay with him so instead he put his number into your new phone and you had promised to call if you ever got into trouble.

You did end up calling him a few weeks later when you noticed that a man had been following you for the past five blocks and you became worried as he began to get closer and closer. The man had cornered you in an alleyway by the time Tony had arrived but he beat the shit out of him. The car ride home was silent except for the 'Thank you' you had mumbled. 

After that you had taken Tony up on his offer to stay at the tower with him and he had helped pay for your school fees up until you were eighteen. Eventually you got a job of your own at SHIELD and moved out not after thanking Tony and Pepper profusely, they had been like parents to you.

After you moved into your own small, two bedroom one bathroom house you had made sure to keep in touch with Tony. You guys usually caught up once every fortnight if he wasn't busy with saving the world and junk. You had also become close with the rest of the Avengers and you would definitely give Steve the title of your best friend. He had been there for you ever since you met him and even though he never really got your references to any pop culture that just added to the fun for you, getting to go through all the important movies he missed with him and explaining how much society has changed and how many more things were acceptable now. You weren't the only one giving knowledge either, Steve would always explain how things were different and why from where and when he was from. Steve also would commonly visit your house but you both sometimes struggled to find time through work. Speaking of which, you had to get to.

You hop into your car and drive to the preselected meeting place, the ride was short and silent for the most part.

Once you arrived you enter the old and abandoned building, the places you meet at are usually more sterile or just simply your base but this was an important mission. SHIELD couldn't risk any moles hearing the plan so only a small group of you were meeting and as soon as the meeting is had you will go straight into acting out the plan, leaving no time for possible snitching.

You walk into the building, the hinges creak as you push open the door and the room is dim once you enter but you spot Coulson and three other men on your team in the corner of the room discussing things in hushed tones.

"Hey guys." You say, casual as ever, as you make your way to the group and small smile tugs at the corner of Coulson's mouth.

"Good to see you again, Y/n." He says and you nod.

"You too Phil." You respond giving him a smile and then checking the time.

"Well let's get this show on the road."

_____

After an hour of fully mapping and planning out the area you and the small tactical team are ready and currently putting your mission into action. The mission is hopefully going to be quick and quiet, get to location, set up cameras to calculate areas to fire, assassinate HYDRA member. Three short and seemingly easy steps. 

From what little information you are given as a field agent you gathered that there is a HYDRA member from high on the food chain meeting with another member of an organisation that wasn't named but is definitely no good. They plan on meeting at a small apartment building downtown and trading over something that you were not told the specifics on but is apparently very dangerous and very, very bad.

You make it to the building, the others had all taken different routes as a way to both scout the surrounding area and to avoid suspicion. Only you would actually enter the building, two snipers on both possible windows and the other two will act as eyes from the outside.

Your role was simple enough, the meeting between HYDRA and the other organisation was scheduled to be in three hours time, one man would arrive one hour before and then the other from HYDRA on the dot. This left you with a little more than an hour to clear the room that they had planned to meet in.

You walked passed the sleeping man at the front desk and make your way up the elevator to the third floor, once you arrive you walked down the hall until you find door B116, you slow down and check both ways to make sure no one else was in the hall before bending down and picking the lock, the simple contraption gave way in mere seconds of working it and you put your lock picking tools into you back pocket. You then picked up your gun and slowly opened the door, pointing the barrel in first. When the door was fully opened and the main living area of the apartment was clear you did the same for all the rooms.

Once the apartment was found empty you quickly set to work, you placed the small, state of the art cameras Tony had designed into at least one corner of each room, the cameras were no bigger than the nail on your pinky finger and the chances of them spotting them were slim to none. You then went to the windows and pulled the blinds off of the rails on each of them, shoving them into your backpack straight afterwards. This was more of an insurance if something goes wrong on the camera feeds.

"You getting the feed?" You ask into your ear peice.

"Confirmed, get out of there now the first client will be arriving in twenty minutes." The voice in your ear stops and you quickly double check that you left no traces of your presence before you lock the door again and leave, taking the stairs instead of the elevator and heading out the back door into an alleyway.

"I'm out of the building, awaiting further instructions."

"You're part of the mission is complete you are free to leave but stay on stand by incase we face complications." You shoot a confirmation and remove the ear peice, you would place it back in another hour when the HYDRA member arrived and possible problems could occur.

You sigh, opening your backpack and dumping the blinds onto the floor beside you, you wouldn't need them. You slide your backpack back on your shoulders and walk down the alleyway, avoiding puddles of unknown liquid when possible.

You turn the corner, set on hopefully grabbing some food within the next hour but instead you spot a man hunched over leaning on the wall, you contemplate ignoring him, he could just be homeless, dangerous or both but when you spot the small puddle of blood forming under him you immediately rush forward.


	2. Chapter 2

"Excuse me? Excuse me, sir?" You ask the man, his shoulder length dark brown hair falling over his face. His breathing is ragged and his hunched over position suggests that he is in a lot of pain. 

You slowly approach the man not wanting to startle him, you crouch down in front of him and make out a few darker splotches on his jumper.

"Sir, I think we need to get you to a hospital." You keep your voice level, the man remains unresponsive so you reach out to touch his knee. The second your hand comes into contact with him he flinched harshly, then grabs your wrist with his gloved hand.

The sheer speed of the movement causes you to gasp and flinch slightly yourself.

"Sorry! I just wanted to see if you were ok." You quickly explain yourself and the man stares blankly at you. He makes no move to communicate so you decide to continue talking.

"Um, it's okay I just think we should get you to a hospital you seem to be bleeding pretty bad and you don't look so good." You say as you glance from his cracked lips to his pale and sweaty forehead.

"No." His voice is scratchy and laboured and you immediately wince at the thought of what his throat must feel like.

"No? But, Sir you're going to get an infection if these aren't treated and I think your sick, I would feel a lot better if you were treated." You reason and you feel his grip on your wrist loosen. You slowly pull back your hand and reach into your backpack while remaining in an unthreatening stance. You pull out the water bottle you had brought with you to work, it was missing a third of it but it still had plenty.

"Here have this, I've already had some I hope you don't mind." You unscrew the lid and hand him the bottle, he looks at it hesitantly until he lifts the bottle to his lips taking a small sip and then pausing as if to check there was nothing wrong with it. He then goes and starts to feverishly gulp down the rest of it and you feel slightly guilty for having had some earlier even though you weren't all that thirsty.

After a few seconds, the bottles content is all gone and the man is panting slightly from being able to breathe.

"Thank you." He says in a small but obvious better voice and you feel a smile split over your lips.

"Don't thank me yet, you're still bleeding. Please if you won't let me take you to a hospital at least let me take you back to my house to stitch you up, I won't sleep knowing I left you for dead." You admit and the man looks hesitantly at you, contemplating whether it was safe to trust you. His eyes then lock into your hip and stay there, narrowing. You glance down and notice your gun there.

"Oh oh! No sorry, I'm an agent we need one on us as a rule, here." You slowly reach for the gun, the safety is still on and you make sure he can see that you methodically take out the magazine holding the bullets and throw it away.

"I would throw away the gun but they're kinda expensive." You reason, not wanting to have to pay another $800 for a replacement. He seems hesitant but eventually, he nods and you visibly relax.

"Ok my cars just outside this alley, think you can walk?" I ask, standing from my crouching position and offering out a hand for him to take.

He pushes himself up with a grunt and grabs my hand to help. He stumbles a little but eventually settles and takes a few shakes steps forward.

"Woah there, take it easy man I don't the extent of your wounds." You chastise and quickly approach him before he falls. You gently grab his right elbow to help steady him. The two on you start the short walk forward through a few twists and turns of the alleyway until you reach your car, you pull out your keys and help the man into the passenger seat. You walk around the side and get in.

"It's around a seven-minute drive from here, I'm pretty sure there's another water bottle on the floor somewhere, it might be a little warm though." You inform him, pulling out of the alley and driving down the street towards your house.

The car ride was as silent as the one you had this morning save for the gulps of water the man had had at the beginning.

Once you had pulled into the driveway you quickly went around and opened the door for him, helping steady him as you make your way to your front door.

You let go of him for a few seconds to unlock the door and push it open but as soon as your done your back to holding his elbow and guiding him through your house.   
You quickly sit him down on your leather couch and make sure that he's comfortable.

"I'll be right back I just need to get the first aid kit." You say, quickly rushing off to grab the box from under the bathroom sink. Once you get back you see that he has rolled up his pants so they reach his mid thighs, giving you access to the deep cut running across his right thigh and the other on his left calf.

You quickly grab the small antibacterial wipes from the kit and slowly start to clean the wound on his calf. As soon as your finished you move to the other wound and take a better look at it.

"You almost cut your femoral artery." You say shocked, quickly getting to work on cleaning it. Once you're done you go back to the kit.

"The cut on your calf should be fine but this one needs stitches for sure." You say, grabbing the wire from the kit and the tools. "This is going to hurt so you may want to hold onto something."

Cringing because you know he has no pain reliever you slowly start the stitching but when you quickly glance up to his face it seems as if he can barely register the pain, only furrowing his eyebrows slightly when you pierce a new piece of his skin. You decide not to think too much of it, for all you know this man was shooting heroin before you came.

You quickly finish the stitching, it's not your best work but it will definitely do. You then grab some ointment and put it on the smaller gash. After you wrap it in a bandage.

"Ok, your legs are done, are there any on your upper body?" You ask, scanning your eyes around his chest until you spot a dark patch on his left pec.

"Oh shoot, here take off your jumper you have another I need to check on your chest." You say, going back to the kit and grabbing more wipes and wire.

"No." His voice shocks you again but not more than what he was saying.

"What do you mean no? Sir, I'm not a pervert or something I'm just trying to help." You assure him, not really sure what he's worried about. He stares at you for a few more silent seconds but you refuse to break eye contact. Eventually, he sighs and gives in, reaching for the hem of his jumper and pulling it over his head, leaving him in a white but heavily bloodied singlet.

You feel your stomach drop at the sight of his left arm. He's the winter soldier, Bucky, the one Steve always talks so highly of. You're tempted to punch yourself for not noticing earlier. You decide now wouldn't be the best time to mention it so you stop staring.

"Sorry." You mumble once you snap out of it, you were probably gawking. "You're going to have to take off the singlet too though I need to reach the cut on your chest. He nods and removes the singlet as well. You take a small moment to mentally appreciate the way his muscles move as he takes it off.

You quickly set to work and within the next half hour, you had done cleaning up and stitching the two cuts on his chest.

"Ok done." You sigh chucking the dirty wipes in the bin. "I think I have some shirts that might fit you, they'll be a little tight but I'll put your jumper on the wash now and it'll be done in an hour." You say, ducking into your room to grab one of the extremely oversized jumpers that you bought just to laze around at home with.

You walk into the lounge room and chuck it to him. "Here, try this."

He nods his head and slips it on, it's a little tight but not uncomfortably so. You grab his clothes from the floor and go put them in the wash. Once you're done you walk back over to him.

"Hey um, do you have a place to stay?" You ask, watching as his brows furrow.

"...No." that word again.

"Well, if you want I have a spare room here. You... you seem to be in some trouble alright? I want to make sure you stay safe." And nearby so I can tell Steve.

He hesitantly looks at you, the same way he did when you suggested going to your place to patch him up.

"Oh come on dude, we both know if I tried anything you could beat the living shit out of me, your like, what? Almost 6 ft and not to mention built like a truck, I couldn't even punch you if I tried." You reassure him even though you're pretty sure that's not exactly what he's worried about, he's worried you could be HYDRA and that you could turn him back in.

Eventually, after a long silence, he nods his head and you offer him a smile. "Awesome, here I'll show you the spare room."


	3. ch3

Bucky doesn't sleep that night. You know it, he knows it, he knows you know it. You had gotten out of bed around three in the morning to get a drink of water (because you had offered all yours to Bucky yesterday) and you found him sitting on the couch, he had taken off his gloves and was staring at his metal fingers, clenching and unclenching them. When you fully woke up four hours later he was still in the same spot.

"Hey, you hungry?" You ask, breaking the silence and he glances up at you.

"Okay." You smile at his confirmation and glance into the fridge.

"What do you feel like? We have eggs, bacon, cereal, porridge or toast." You say and you watch as he stares at you passively.

"Okay eggs and bacon it is." You decide, not all that surprised he didn't decide for himself. You take out the pan and set to making the cooked breakfast. Once you're finished you get yourself out a glass and pour in some orange juice.

"Hey, you like orange juice?" You ask him, when you were cooking he moved from sitting on the couch to sitting down at the counter but he still doesn't answer your question.

"Come on, give me something. I've got apple or orange juice." You beg and watch as he sighs a little.

"Apple, please." You beam at him, very happy that he not only made a decision but he said more than one word.

"Cool, here you can start eating while I pour you a glass." You say, grabbing the apple juice from the fridge and giving some to Bucky. You then grab your own plate and drink and sit next to him.

Halfway through breakfast and it's still silent, not that you mind but you decide you better bring up the whole 'I know you're the winter soldier' thing before it gets too late.

"Um," you say, not really sure how to start the conversation, "I um, know about you. Being the winter soldier I mean." You awkwardly state and he goes still.

"I'm not going to turn you in or anything like that!" You quickly rush, "listen I can't even begin to imagine the shit that HYDRA has put you through and I know that those things you did- it was against your will. You remember how I said I was an agent yesterday? We were actually working on a mission to take down some HYDRA guys." You explain but he still remains silent and unmoving.

"Look, I don't know how you escaped, how stable you are or even if you want my help but I have a friend his name is Steve and I'm really sure that he would like to talk to you." You say gently, hoping that Steves name rings a bell.

"I almost killed him." He says after a short silence and you know what he was referring to.

"No you didn't, HYDRA almost killed him and you managed to stop before it was too late. These things weren't your fault." You remind him, slowly placing a hand on his shoulder.

"What if I call Steve, have him come over so you can talk it out?"

'No' seems to be a popular word to come out of Bucky's mouth.

"He's your best friend, please I've talked to him about this before and all he wants to know is that you're safe." You beg. His grey-blue eyes soften a bit and he lets out another sigh.

"Fine." You're shocked at his compliant response but you return it with a small smile.

"Thank you, this'll really mean a lot to him." You say, taking out your phone and quickly clicking on Steves contact.

"Hello?" Steves' voice comes through the phone's speaker and you smile.

"Hey Steve, are you free right now?"

"I'm at the gym, why?" You wince slightly at exactly how you're going to say this.

"Um, I think you should get to my house quickly. I think it's better if I show you rather than tell you but please get here ASAP." You say, not wanting to have to break the news over the phone.

"Are you in trouble?" His voice is a little sterner now and you smile softly at his worrying.

"No, nothing like that but it's really important to you. How long will it take for you to get here?"

"Um, I have a meeting straight after this that will run for a few hours can it wait or is it urgent?" He asks you look back down to see Bucky sipping on his orange juice.

"It can wait, but please be here sometime today." You say.

"Sure thing Y/n. I'll see you around lunchtime." He says and hangs up.

"Steve will be here around lunchtime." You say and Bucky nods his head.

"Um, is it ok if I call you Bucky or James? I don't want to have to keep on calling you sir for the rest of the day." You awkwardly laugh but Bucky goes ridged at the sound of his name.

"Oh sorry- I didn't mean to, I can just call yo-"

"Bucky is fine." He cuts you off and you smile slightly at the sentiment.   
You reach out your hand for a handshake, he seems to hesitate a bit but he grabs your hand with his gloved one.

"Nice to meet you, Bucky. I'm   
Y/n." You say with a grin and give his hand a firm shake.

_____

After breakfast, Bucky went back to the spare room for some time alone and you decided to call Coulson to double check how the mission went yesterday seeming though you had to leave. He said that it went smoothly and you explained something important came up so you couldn't stay on standby, he understood but told not to do it next time.

You then spent the next hour or so catching up on mission reports and washing (Bucky's clothing was now dry so you gave that to him) and then another hour or so just relaxing on your phone, occasionally checking on Bucky and asking if he needed anything. He ended up having a shower and you let him have your spare toothbrush.

At 1 pm Steve texts you saying his about to leave, you quickly ask him to bring some extra clothes he doesn't want anymore, he's confused as to why but he does anyway he said he'll be here within the next twenty minutes, depending on traffic.

"Hey, Bucky?" You say, gently knocking on the door and opening it. "Steve will be here soon, just letting you know." If you didn't know better you would say that Bucky looked a little scared but you sent him a reassuring smile.

"Do you want to help me make some lunch? I have some roast chicken we can make sandwiches." You suggest and he nods. You walk into the kitchen with him in your tail and pull out the lettuce, tomato, chicken, mayo, bread and a chopping board.

The two of you chop the vegetables in silence and make your sandwiches. You hand him a plate and get one for yourself before sitting down and starting to eat.

"It's nice," Bucky says, you're rather shocked that he was the one to spark the conversation.

"Yeah," you smile, "I haven't had lunch with company in a while." You bite down into your sandwich again. He raises an eyebrow as if he was confused about why you would eat alone.

"Well I don't usually eat at work and I live here alone." You explain and he swallows his mouth full.

"No boyfriend?" He asks and you're yet again surprised by his sudden talkativeness.

You laugh and Shake your head. "Nuh ah. I'm about as desirable as a pile of horse shit."

Bucky just nods and you find it weirdly appealing that he didn't go into one of those 'you're young and attractive you'll get a boyfriend in no time' spiels. Even though you didn't expect him to.

Your thoughts are cut off by a knock at the door. "That'll be Steve, just stay here for a sec while I explain things to him." You say, standing up and walking to the door, you quickly check through the peephole and see Captain America himself standing there with a plastic bag filled with what you assumed to be clothes. You unlock the door and open it.

"Hey, everything alright?" He asks, obviously curious to why you called him over.

"Um yeah, I think it's just that-" you cut your own blabbering off and take a deep breath. "I think I found Bucky."

"What?"


	4. ch4

"Are-are you sure?" He asks, his grip on the bag tightening. You nod your head and motion your arm for him to walk in.

"He's in the kitchen eating lunch, come on." You say and start to walk away but Steve grabs your wrist.

"Wait he's here. You had him alone with you in the house? Y/n he's my friend and all but he's still unstable and dangerous." He whispers but you shake your head.

"He's fine I think that something's gone wrong with his brainwashing he seems- well I wouldn't say normal but he is passive." You explain, prying your hand out of Steves grip.

"Now come on." You say, walking into the kitchen where Bucky is awkwardly sitting, his empty plate next to him.

"Bucky." Steve whispers, the shock clear in his small voice. Bucky's fingers twitch.

"Steve." He acknowledges his fingers lightly wrapped around the hem of his jumper. Steve slowly walks forward towards him and for some reason when you see Steve smile at him you feel like your prying in on an intimate moment.

"How about you two head into the lounge, I'll clean up in here." You suggest, mainly looking at Bucky to make sure he's comfortable with that. He nods his head and stands from his seat, walking into the next room, Steve sends you a short, thankful look before following him.

You sigh a shaky breath, at least no one is trying to kill the other. You potter around the kitchen and clean up but you make sure to take a little longer than usual so the boys can get settled before you intrude. You pick up the bag of clothing that Steve had dropped when he saw Bucky. There were at least five sets of clothing in there so you wouldn't have to buy anything for Bucky at the moment.

You pop your head into the room and see Bucky looking down at his shoes, he's mumbling something that you can't quite hear from the distance but Steve responds with "it's okay, it wasn't your fault." So you assume he was apologising for trying to kill him. After Steve says that a slightly uncomfortable silence sets in so you walk into the room.

"Have you had lunch, Steve? There's still some chicken left over for sandwiches." You ask but he shakes his head.

"I'm good thanks, I had lunch before I arrived. It's good seeing you again by the way, it's been too long." He sends you a charming smile and you return it.

"Likewise Cap, good to see an old friend." You respond taking a seat on the couch that you had stitched up Bucky on yesterday.

"You two are friends?" Bucky asks, and you notice it's a full sentence.

"Yeah, I've known Y/n since she was, what? 18?" He asks and you pause to think.

"Yeah, that sounds about right." You hum. "Capsicle and I have been friends for a good two or three years now."

"Um anyway we should probably talk about," Steve waved his hands in the general direction of all of you, "this."

"Yeah, we should." The mood has quickly dampened and you wring your hands into the hem of your t-shirt.

"Bucky... just how exactly did you leave HYDRA?" Your tone isn't accusing but he still cringes at the pity in your tone.

After a short silence, Bucky speaks up. "The machine broke. The one that wipes me." His voice is steady but you can tell he isn't taking this conversation lightly.

"So you escaped?" You ask and he nods.

"If you want you can come and stay with me Buck, get you out of Y/ns hair." Steve suggests but you feel a small drop in your stomach, you've really enjoyed the company over the past day and you selfishly hope that he doesn't go with Steve.

"I really don't mind but it's your choice Bucky." You say and Bucky makes eye contact with you before returning to Steve.

"...I'll stay." He says, surprising you both but you feel a warm smile come over your features.

"Sure thing Buck, wherever you're comfortable." Steve says genuinely.

"Well, why don't we watch a movie or something, you have a lot to catch up on Buck and Steve you still haven't watched Harry Potter with me." You scold and he raises his hands in innocence.

"I was busy with the lord of the rings." He counters and you let out a mock angry huff.

"You're forgiven this time." You walk over to the TV and get Netflix open.

"So, Bucky just a little background info, it's a movie about wizards, magic and all that sorta crap." You explain, selecting it on Netflix and beginning the movie.

Throughout the film you watch Bucky out of the corner of your eyes, his usually inexpressive face lights up in mild amazement at the SFX no matter how shitty they were in your opinion.

The three of you watch the first two movies in silence, except for at the end of the first one when you paused to cook you all a bag of popcorn. As the credits rolled you hear Steve let out a little 'wow'.

"That was surprisingly good." He muses and you nod your head.

" I know right, I wasn't really sold on the idea but my brother pretty much forced me to watch it with him, I'm glad he did." You say and watch as Steve's lips go terse and his eyes shade over with pity at the mention of your brother but you continue like you didn't notice.

"Anyway it's only 6 pm, you guys want to watch the next one or not?" You look at Bucky and he shrugs so you turn your question to Steve.

"What about you grandpa, think you can stomach more wizardry?" You ask and he smiles.

"Yeah I think I could handle it but I might need some pizza to help me get through." He smirks, cheeky bastard.

You sigh and laugh. "Guess I have a phone call to make, you like any specific kind of pizza Bucky?" He pauses to think but eventually answers.

"Pepperoni... please." You smile and nod and turn to Steve raising an eyebrow.

"Supreme." He says and you dial the Dominos phone number.

After quickly ordering a supreme and pepperoni pizza (you decided you can just steal slices from both) you settle down again and click on the next movie. Ten minutes in there's a knock on the door and you go fetch the pizza and bring it back into the lounge, placing it on the coffee table to share.

After the third movie was finished along with the pizza Steve decides to head back home, he says that he'll try and visit again as soon as possible and to call him if you needed too. The two of you also decided to keep Buckys presence a secret from everyone else until you can think of a proper solution.

"Well, I'm going to hit the sack Buck, shout out if you need anything, Kay?" Bucky nods his head and you walk into your bedroom. You crawl into the covers and drift to sleep.


	5. ch5

The sound of shouting rips you from your sleep. You shoot up, your covers flinging off of you and you race out of your room into the hallway.

 

Oh God, Bucky.

Your socks cause you to slip slightly as you take the corner down the hall to the spare bedroom. You don't even take the time to consider what is causing the horrible scream to tear from your roommate's throat, you just burst open the door and turn on the lights.

Bucky is laying in bed, his blanket has been tossed onto the floor and the sheets are damp with sweat. He thrashed around in his sleep repeatedly screaming words such as 'No' and 'stop'. You rush forward to him but when you get close enough he tosses again, his solid metal hand accidentally colliding with your cheek causing you to fall onto your hands and knees and shout in pain.

"Fuck." You hiss, reaching to hold your throbbing cheek as Bucky continues to toss and turn. You quickly stand up again and stand a safe distance away.

"Bucky!" He doesn't hear you. "Bucky, wake up you're having a nightmare!" You decide to test your luck and walk up to him again, he's currently only shifting uncomfortably so you manage to grab onto both of his shoulders.

"Bucky! Wake up!" You shake his bare shoulders slightly and his eyes quickly dart open, his pupils are fuzzy and unfocused. Before you have a chance you breathe a sigh of relief, two hands wrap around your throat as Bucky sits up, pinning you onto the bed by your neck. Your hands claw at his as you make unsuccessful attempts at breathing. He looms over you, placing his knees either side of your legs.

"Who are you." He hisses, his face turning into a glare and his hair falling from behind his ear and tickling your cheek slightly. You briefly consider thrusting your knee up and squashing his Crown Jewels but you decide that it would only provoke him.

"I-it's me." You rasp, feeling light-headed, "y/n. B-Bucky it's Y/n."

At the sound of his own name, Bucky seems to suddenly snap out of his fit of rage. His eyes focus and his fingers loosen, allowing air to fill your lungs and blood to rush to your head making your vision funny for a few seconds. You start to gasp and sputter as Bucky gets off of you and grabs a fistful of his hair, muttering something in another language.

Once you feel strong enough you use shaky arms to push yourself so your sitting up, tears that you hadn't realised you shed fell off of your cheeks into your lap.

"Y-y/n?" You flinch slightly at Bucky's voice but you lift your eyes to meet him.

"Shit. Shit. I'm sorry." His words are slightly panicked, a contrast to his usual stoic tone. His hands linger in the air awkwardly, as if he's trying to decide what to do with them.

"It's fine." You croak, wincing at how un-fine you sound. You let out another shaky breath and remove your hands from your throat to look over to Bucky, you turn your body to face him.

"Are you okay?" You ask and his eyes widen.

"Am I okay? Jesus, I just strangled you half to death." He scolds and you just blink.

"You were having a nightmare when I came in." You say, and you hesitantly reach out an arm to touch his flesh one.

"That- it was nothing really. I can't even remember what the dream was." He mumbles but his attention is clearly on the red finger indents on your neck that would surely be blue within a few hours.

"Bucky it's fine." You remind him, bobbing your head down a bit so your eyes meet his. "It was my fault really, I burst through your door and started shaking your shoulders, hardly a friendly wake up call." You chuckle but he doesn't laugh, his eyes just drift to his lap and you sigh.

"Hey, you want me to stay here until you go back to sleep?" You ask but he shakes his head.

"I- I don't think I'm going back to sleep." He mumbles and you nod. You remove your hand from his arm and shuffle to the edge of the bed and stand up.

"Ok then, if we aren't going back to sleep we should watch some Tv or something." You state, stretching a little and you feel his eyes on you.

"We?" He asks, moving to stand up as well.

"Well, yeah. I don't have work tomorrow and I don't want to leave you alone right now." And I should also ice my cheek so it doesn't swell you think.

Bucky seems to stumble a little at your words but still nods nonetheless.

"Okay." He nods, lifting a hand to run through his hair, and you only then notice that he's shirtless. You feel a warmth spread across your cheeks and you force your eyes away from his abdomen.

"Hey your cheeks red, did something else happen." He asks, moving his face closer to get a look at your cheek.

"Wha- no, no hahaha nothing happened." You feel a small panic at the fact that he could see you blushing.

"No, your right cheek, it's really red what happened?" You realise, with a strange sense of relief that you were not in fact blushing and that the collision of his hand to your cheek was just starting to show.

"Oh that, it's nothing really just needs a little ice." You wave it off but his expression becomes grim, undoubtedly realising it was his doing.

"Bucky," you whisper, "it wasn't your fault you weren't even conscious." He refuses to make eye contact but you don't force him.

"Come on its 3 am, I'm sure there's some crappy Indian movie calling our name on TV." You try and lighten the mood and his expression soften slightly but still no smile.

You start to walk out his room into the lounge, you turn on the TV and turn the volume down because it's so early. Bucky soon follows after you and sits down next to you without a word as you flip through the channels to find one without an infomercial.

In a sort of twisted way you're glad Bucky had that nightmare, the two of you have talked so much in the last few minutes and it seems as if you've finally broken through to him.

You grab a blanket from the edge of the couch and throw it over the both of you, you subconsciously notice that he's thrown on a shirt between the time it took you to set up the Tv. After you've gone through a loop of all the channels you turn to Bucky.

"Ok, we have some Viking show, old 'Everybody Loves Raymond.' Run-throughs or like five different game shows I've never heard of." You say turning to face him, "any of these tickle your taste buds?"

He shrugs and motions for you to choose. Everybody Loves Raymond it is.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well this is the last one i have pre-typed up, so you'll have to wait for me to write them from now on.

You woke up at 9 am, 4 hours after the incident with Bucky. The throbbing of your cheek is what seemed to of snapped you out of it.  
You scrunch your eyes and slowly sit up, you realise your still on the couch but Bucky is nowhere to be seen. The Tv is still on, now playing the morning news and you numbly took note that it would be another cold day, not quite snowy though.

"You're up."

You turn your head to see Bucky, his hair is damp so he probably just went for a shower.

"Yeah, it's going to be cold today." You inform him, not really sure how to start the conversation. You give him a smile but his eyes are trained on your cheek and neck.

"Bucky. How many times? It's fine, I'm okay. I'm a field agent for Pete's sake people have done way worse with actual ill intent." You keep your voice gentle and rise from the couch, adjusting your sweater.

"Anyway, what would you like for-" your voice was cut off by the sound of your ringtone. "I should probably get that." You take note that there is no caller ID but pick up the phone anyway.

"Hello, Y/n speaking." You say and watch as Bucky sits on the couch next to you, watching the news but you think that he is also paying attention to your conversation.

"Y/n," the voice, gruff and vaguely familiar, breathes in what seems to be relief.

"Um, who's this?" You ask, a frown settling on your face.

"It's Adam, Y/n before you-" you immediately hang up and start to feel a little panicked. How on Earth did he get my number? You think.

"Y/n-" It seemed to be Bucky's turn to be cut off as your phone began to ring once again. You think about not answering entirely but a sense of morbid curiosity takes control.

I wonder how much worse it's gotten. You numbly think and you answer the call, slowly bringing it to your ear.

"Y/n listen you don't need to be scared." His voice wavers and you hear a dull scratching noise from the other end of the line.

"Why are you calling, Adam?" Your voice doesn't betray any of the emotions running through your body.

"I- You're in danger Y/n. You have to be careful. No ones trustworthy." Your face becomes stoic as you listen to your brother go through another mental break down.

"Adam, where are you right now?" You ask, keeping your tone firm, almost like a mother talking to a child.

"The park just down the road to your house. Y/n it's okay you don't need to worry I'm coming to save you from them." His breathing is laboured and you suddenly have a very depressed feeling wash over you.

"N-no Adam," you feel your eyes sting with tears, " You don't need to protect me from them. I- I have a friend over and he is going to protect me. Adam, I want you to stay where you are, I'm sending someone to pick you up ok?" Adam starts to protest but you kill the line. You sigh deeply and run your hands through your hair.

"Who was that?" You jump slightly at Bucky's voice, for a moment having forgotten he was there.

"I... um it was nothing Buck I just-"

"I could hear the man on the other end of the line, who do I need to protect you from and why don't you want that guy here in the house?" He asks and you mentally curse his superhuman hearing but at the same time you feel a warmth spread in your chest when he doesn't protest in protecting you.

"You don't need to protect me from anyone Bucky, that was Adam, it's... complicated. He isn't exactly right in the head, he must have gotten out of the facility somehow." You then remembered that you need to call them to pick him up. "Uh just a sec, Buck I need to make a call."

You quickly click the contact for the facility and explain to them what's happened. It's happened before, twice actually but that was years ago.

After your call, you heave a heavy sigh and dry wash your face. Bucky is still patiently waiting for your explanation.

"Adam is my older brother, he hasn't been exactly mentally sound for a few years now, you know hallucinations, voices all that shit. He managed to get out of his ward and he called me, so there's no danger and people are going to pick him up now." You keep the explanation short and sweet, no need to delve into details.

Bucky seems to nod and you're grateful for his lack of curiosity. A slightly awkward silence sets in so you clap your hand with fake enthusiasm.

"Anyway. I was going to ask you what you wanted to do today, I don't have work for another week as far as I'm concerned so we could do whatever." You look to him and he shrugs.

"Ok, well we could watch a movie or something, no Harry Potter though because Steve will miss out." You suggest, "or maybe I could teach you the basics about phones and stuff but that would probably be boring for you."

You bite your lip thinking of other possible activities.

"Oh, I know what we need to do." You smack your forehead. "We gotta get you some clothes, I know Steve brought some over but I doubt wearing the same pair of underwear is comfortable."

Buck cringes slightly, probably at the thought of his underwear but hesitantly nods his head.

"Neat, let's get this shit show on the road."


	7. Supplies

You get changed into something 'town appropriate' and grab your keys and wallet off of the bench, you wouldn't call yourself low on money but you're definitely not sleeping on it either. You know that if you ever had the desire to you could always hit up Tony and he would throw you a check and probably add an extra 50% of what you asked for on there 'just in case' but you've only ever done that once when you were really low on money. You hate having to ask him for help, well anyone for help really. 

You look over to Buck who is still aimlessly standing in your living area. 

"Come on Bucky, let's go we don't want to get caught in rush hour." You call and he silently nods and follows after you into the car. After he's in the passenger seat and he's -as per your instructions- put on his seatbelt you drive down to a local mall, it's small and doesn't have an overwhelming amount of people in it. There was a mall closer to your house but you didn't want to go to that one because if it's size and the amount of noise there, you don't think it would be great for Bucky.

You pull your cat into the parking lot and both you and Bucky step out of the car and meet around the front, halfway. 

"Ok, so first on the list and most desperate is underwear dude. Don't want to have you borrowing my lingerie." You jest and Bucky makes what is either an amused or slightly disgusted noise, probably both. You decide that Target would be a good place to shop for today, Bucky doesn't seem to strike you as one who cares for name brands and Target always supply the same stuff anyway, just cheaper and made of less expensive materials. 

"Ok bud, you're gonna have to pick these ones for yourself." You say as you reach the men's underwear section. Bucky nods and walks into the aisle, a few moments later he comes out with two packets of four boxers, you decide that will be enough for him to maintain a consistent cycle of clean underwear, you throw them into the trolley and push it along a little. You go to the men's shirts and decide you should pick up a few for him as well, you feel slightly guilty for only providing him with hand-me-downs. He picks out a few plain cotton shirts and shows a hint of a smile when you suggest the one with captain Americas shield on it. 

You wander around the shop a little more and grab a few more things. Jumpers, pants, boots, socks, deodorant, toothbrush, combs and all the likes. You have undoubtedly forgotten something that you will remember as soon as you get home but you figure that you'll cross that bridge when you get there. 

Just as you're grabbing some shaving cream for him, you feel Buckys' hand grab your wrist firmly but not enough to hurt. You turn to him and see a woman, in what seems to be her late thirties or early forties, striding towards you. You frown slightly as to why she would be seeking you out but you turn your attention to her anyway, hoping she does nothing to harm or startle Bucky. 

"Hi, can I help you?" You ask once she reaches a close enough distance. 

"Yes, actually I wished to ask you something." She sends a suspicious glance to Bucky while directing the question to you and you feel your stomach drop, you've been noticed. 

"Oh and uh, what would that be?" You pull your hands out of your pockets, ready to grab onto Bucks' hand and run with him if need be. 

"Actually, I would prefer to ask you in private." She says and you feel your fingers twitching to grab Bucky and run but you know that won't end well. 

"I'm sure you can say whatever you have to say here." You narrow your eyes slightly and the woman huffs. 

"Those marks on your face and neck, is that man abusing you?" You feel your eyes widen at the question, of course, how could you forget? The relief of not having had been found our almost sends you into a fit of laughter but you quickly cover it with a cough. 

"Uh sorry, what? Is he abusing me? No no no, we're totally fine, right John?" you ask, slipping in a random name just in case. Bucky seems even more startled by the question than you but he still nods. 

"Then where did those bruises come from?" The lady presses, you understand she has good intentions but she really needs to learn how to mind her own business. 

"I was mugged yesterday in the city. Thank you for worrying and I assure you nothing bad is going on but we really must be on our way." You say, grabbing the shaving cream and the Buckys flesh hand and walking back to your trolley, away from the intrusive woman. 

"Some people really learn how to keep to themselves." You chuckle as you push your trolley towards the checkout and turn to Bucky who is already looking at you. 

"Why did you lie to her?" He asks, genuine confusion in his tone. 

"Huh? Of course, I lied, if I had of told her the truth she would have taken it the total wrong way. Anyway, we don't want to draw attention to ourselves at the moment." You shrugged and started passing items through the self-checkout. You wince slightly at the end price but quickly scan your credit card anyway. 

"Come on, let's head home." You say, starting to pick up the bags from the trolley so you wouldn't have to push it back after you get to the car. 

"Here," Bucky mumbles, lifting the multiple heavy bags off of your arm and carrying them all as if they were light. 

"Oh, thanks!" You beam, surprised by him helping out. "But I would feel bad if I wasn't helping out." You go to grab one or two of the bags he's carrying but he shakes his head and nods into the direction of the trolley where a small bag of toiletries is sitting. You sigh but smile and pick it up, the two of you silently walk back to the car.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!


End file.
